Shadows
by oceanjewel
Summary: AU. What if Grindelwald defeated dumbledore in 1945, and as a result of this the entire wizarding world became segregated in terms of purity of blood? Would things have turned out so different? WARNING: sexual content and rape.LilyJames (rating changed)
1. Prolouge

Shadows  
  
Summary: What if Grindelwald had defeated Dumbledore in 1945? What if, as a result of this, the entire wizarding world was segregated and those who weren't pure of blood were seen as second class citizens? What if a witch and wizard fell in love in a world that would never leave them in peace? Would things have turned out so different? Lily/ James  
  
Disclaimer :Its mine all mine mwhahahahaha. And go on and sew me if you want, you'd get absolute jack though. Joking, joking. It all belongs to the lovely JK  
  
Rating: R. For swearing and some dark and adult themes.  
  
Prologue:  
  
July 1965  
  
"Today is a horrific and devastating day for all wizards and witches-White and Grey alike. Today we mark the end of a phenomenal era, the end of a revolution for wizard kind. It is with my greatest despair, ladies and gentlemen that I announce to you that our leader is...has left us."  
  
Several horrified gasps and shouts rippled through the crowd.  
  
"It is with the heaviest of hearts that I inform you of the death of one Ephilius Grindlewald. My deepest sympathy to you all"  
  
The crowd stood silent, but the teeming mass of conflicting emotions within it rang and screamed and raged like a great storm that can be heared for miles around. The speaker, unable to say much more, left in an awkward hurry, dropping behind him the magical microphone which squeaked a bit before falling silent.  
  
And then there was uproar.  
  
Sobs, cheers, screams, hollers, cries everywhere. Laura Potter scooped her five-year-old son into her arms to prevent him being trampled by a group of Greys who were dancing through the streets.  
  
"We better go Mark," she turned to her husband, "before this gets messy" Mark, among one of the few groups of Whites jumping up and down in celebration, appeared not to hear.  
  
"Mark..."  
  
"ok Laura, calm down. We've been waiting for years for this day. C'mon stay and celebrate a bit"  
  
"We can do that at home..."  
  
he ignored her a turned to greet more friends and colleagues, slapping backs furiously. She watched troubled across the crowd, hergaze falling on a family of White wizards who were clinging onto each other for comfort, even the father crying.  
  
"Mark!"  
  
"Just leave me alone Ok Laura?" He snapped "Mark! Sooner or later one half of this crowd is going to realise that it has utterly different feelings than the other half. And I'm not prepared to wait around and witness that ok?"  
  
"Its not like we haven't before..."  
  
"Yes!" She exclaimed testily, "Wise move that. Getting your son caught up I that sort of duel before he even reaches his sixth birthday!"  
  
"Laura...", but his gaze travelled to the boy nestled in his wife's arms, who did nothing but stare back at him with inquisitive hazel eyes,  
  
"I...oh ok then. I'm off guys,"  
  
Laura turned and began to walk away as her husband bade farewell to his companions. She didn't know why she wasn't in the mood for celebrating. They had waited so, so long for this day, prayed for so many years. What if things really didn't change all that much? Yes, Grindlewald may be gone but his supporters and the set of laws he left behind him were as strong as ever. And yes, as Whites that had the easy way of things but she had lost so many Grey friends over the past decade and their family were notorious "blood traitors"... She looked down and her son, cradled to her breast. Her baby. So innocent, so naïve. She hoped things would be better for him. God how she hoped... 


	2. The assingment

Disclaimer: nope, not mine none of it except the plot!

Summary: What if Grindelwald had defeated Dumbledore in 1945? What if, as a result of this, the entire wizarding world was segregated and those who weren't pure of blood were seen as second class citizens? What if a witch and wizard fell in love in a world that would never leave them in peace? Would things have turned out so different? Lily/ James

Rating: R. For swearing and some dark and adult themes.

A/N; This fic is not based on, but has been greatly influenced by the novel "Noughts and Crosses" by Malorie Blackman

I apologise for the alwful layout of this chapter my pcs messed up. It 'll be fixed next time tough. Promise!

Chapter 1: The assignment

Lily Evans rushed into the classroom and plonked her bag down on the

table. Distracted, she pulled out her assignment and began to read through

it, checking and double-checking facts in her textbook. She had no real

need for this, having spent two diligent hours on it last night. But that's

just the way she was: meticulous. If you're going to do something, do it

perfectly or not at all. No half measures: that was her motto.

She was just looking up the date that a small wizarding settlement had

swollen to the size of Jupiter due to someone miss-casting an enlargement

charm when a deep male voice sounded just in front of her, clouding her concentration.

"SHIT!"

Looking up irritated, she found two raven-haired boys obscuring her vision.

"Crap! Fuck! Shit! We had an assignment didn't we? I can't space it for

four weeks in a row I'll get detention again and we've got quidditch this

Saturday" ranted the messier haired teenager, collapsing ungracefully into the seat in front of her.

"Do it now," the second boy spoke dropping his bag to the floor and

slipping into his seat with a casual ease.

"Flitwick never takes them in 'till the end of the period. You got time,

mate"

"You done yours?"

"At breakfast" said the second boy pulling a few scarps of crumpled

parchment out of his robe pocket,

"Which reminds me...where were you at breakfast Prongs...?" the grin evident in his voice.

Black and Potter. Sirius and James. Padfoot and Prongs. Hogwarts

resident jokers, bad boys and (in most of the female population of

Hogwarts opinion) sex gods.Also two of the most arrogant, insufferable pricks Lily had ever had the

misfortune to meet.

She watched disgustedly as James began scribbling down his essay whilst

recounting the morning's tale to his companion who was in fits of

laughter by the end of it. She wasn't a very irritable person, but those two

did it for her. It wasn't the fact that they were slackers that got to her, it was the fact

that she knew they'd both easily get an "O" for that paper despite putting

in minimal effort. So would she, she hoped, but she'd toiled over it. She

knew she wasn't being very fair, after all it wasn't their _fault _ were

prodigal but it still irked her.

Her mood heightened slightly though when a breathless, pink-cheeked

face appeared next to hers grinning so wildly that she couldn't help

smiling back.

"Looks like I made it then" said her best friend Maria taking a seat beside her

"Just" said Lily, indicating to the door where their minute professor was

stumbling in, tottering under an immense pile of books.

"Welcome class.."

The lesson passed uneventfully, unless you counted Lily scoring a total of

25 points for Gryffindor, but that was pretty much standard seeing as she

always offered any answer she knew, which usually turned out to be all of

them

James and Sirius offered no information, preferring to chatter in low

voices throughout the lesson and then reverting to writing notes when

told off.

Much to Lily's displeasure, James finished his essay (which was at least

as long as hers) about twenty minutes into the class, before reverting his

attention back on his social life.

At the end of class, however, Flitwick made an announcement. They were

to be assigned a paper, to be worked on in pairs, discussing whether or

not, it was morally right to use memory charms on fellow witches and

wizards. Lily felt herself grow eager at the thought of this. She had a

natural interest in politics and made a point of reading the Daily Prophet

and even muggle papersduring the summer and loved any form of

discussion or debating.

"You will be divided up according to your ability. The class ranks are upon the board if anyone's forgotten their place. Please pair up as follows: 1 with 2, 3 with 4 and so on. Let me know if there are any problems"

Lily glanced over at the list:

1.Lily Evans

2. Sirius Black/James Potter

4. Yamada Chang

She supposed that she would wind up with Yamada, which wasn't all

too bad. Yamada was a clever but very quite girl and unlikely to argue

with any point Lily raised, which could be frustrating at times but also

meant Lily had the upper hand at how things were done.

Sirius and James would partner each other, naturally, and even if Flitwick suggested they split up she knew they'd find a way round it. After all, they were _marauders._

She walked up to the board where the rest of the class had congregated and stood awkwardly by Yamada, who gave her a small smile, and James and Sirius who blatantly ignored her. James Potter had actually had quite an interest in her at one point, but she suspected that was only because most girls fainted at the site of him, whereas she wouldn't give him the time of day if he asked for it. He saw her as a challenge, nothing more. After the sixth or seventh time he got rejected he gave up and had made a point of avoiding her since.

She opened her mouth to suggest that she work with Yamada to save hassle, when she realised that the rest of the class, having paired up already, were quite and watching the foursome.

"Ah what do we have hear? " said Flitwick squeakily, trotting over to the board.

"Hmmmmm. Right. Well the rest of you can be off; assignment is due in two weeks. You four stay a bit while we sort this out"

"Sir...I think me and Pad..I mean me and Sirius should work together"

"Really Mr. Potter? And why is that?"

"Well Sir isn't the whole point of partnering us like this so we are with people of similar abilities. And me and James are equal so it makes sense", Sirius contributed.

"Yes, I do see your point Mr.Black, and yet have you thought what will happen to Miss. Evans if you partner Potter? "

"Well she can go with Yamada"Lily bristled slightly at Potters disregarding tone.

"I must say, you too really do have a habit of answering each others questions don't you?"

"Sorry Sir," they chimed in perfect unison

"You see the thing is, boys, while Yamada is one of my most exemplary students", he smiled and nodded in her direction, "She is not quite up to the same standard as Miss Evans here"

Lily felt herself blush slightly at that.

"And to be completely honest with you two, I am slightly concerned as to the amount of effort that will be put into this project if you do it together" he indicated to Sirius coffee stained essay parchment,

"We'll do really well we promise"

"I'm quite sure you will that wasn't my concern," their professor replied, leaving the two teenagers confused.

Lily felt her stomach drop. If this was leading where she thought it was she was going to be in for a tough two weeks.

"So I think we'll have Mr. Black and Miss Chang working together and Mr. Potter and Miss. Evans. Remember: two weeks. And I'm expecting to be impressed"

"But sir..."

"You can't split us...

"I can't work with her..."

"Boys, boys, BOYS! That is enough! I have made my decision and it is final! You will work with whom I've put you with. Right, now run along ..."

Suspicions confirmed, Lily turned, her intent being to leave the classroom. as soon as possible.

She couldn't believe this.

How was she supposed to complete an entire assignment with James Potter?

They couldn't even manage a civil conversation. And she had really looked forward to this paper, really hoped she could put her all into it. Now it looked like it was going to be hell. Sighing she headed back to Gryffindor's common room to find her friends and tell them the bad news.

...........................................................................................

"Whomph! That was one hell of a night! You reckon Moony changed

back Ok?"

"Dunno Padfoot. He usually does"

"Yeah. Does dunne? What do you reckon that opening was we found?

You think it could be a new passageway or jus another way in to that

room we found a coupla months back?"

"Dunno Padfoot I really don't"

"I wanna know what you think Wormtail..."

James lay down on his bed and listened to his friends bicker. He wasn't in

the mood for socialising. Despite what Padfoot said, the night had been

pretty uneventful and hadn't improved his mood as much as he'd hoped.

"I'm bleeding starving...."

"Me too Padfoot. Do want me to go and get you something?"

"If that's ok with you Wormy..."

"Course Sirius"

"Cheers then mate,"

Peter, looking particularly chuffed at that last comment, scurried out the

room. Sirius turned to James immediately

"What's wrong James?"

James sighed, knowing he shouldn't have been so stupid to think that his

sulk would go unnoticed, especially by his best friend.

"Nothing," he replied messing up his hair distractedly, a gesture he often practised when worried or preoccupied.

"Yeah Ok. My wedding with Snape is next week, by the way,"

He couldn't help grinning at that,

"It's just that..."

"It's having to do the assignment with Evans innit?"

James paused, feeling slightly embarrassed. He was being pathetic.

"Yeah, yeah it is..."

"You would have been jumping up and down with joy at that less than a year ago"

"Times change Pad,"

"True," Sirius nodded and they fell into a comfortable silence for a few seconds,

"Unless of course the reason you're dreading it so much is because you still like her,"

James turned his head sharply at that.

"Nah... that ain't true"

"Yeah alright,"

Truth be told he wasn't quite sure why he hated the prospect of more time with Evans. He didn't like her anymore, romantically or platonically, so Padfoot wasn't right about that. He didn't think. He guessed it was because she had hurt and embarrassed him so much back in fifth year. He had never truly been emotionally damaged like that before and since "the incident" he had tried his best to forget she existed. And that would be much harder to do if they were expected to meet regularly.

It was quite funny actually; the only girl he truly ever liked was the only one ever to reject him.

How fucking ironic.

"So you don't fancy her anymore?"

"No! Pad, how many times do I have to tell you!"

"Oooooooh," mocked Sirius, "looks whose mardy"

"Shut up," James replied whacking Sirius around the head with his pillow, Sirius responded by chucking several back at him. Then Wormtail returned and the trio engaged in a furious combination between a pillow war and a food fight.

...................................................................................................

Lily yawned loudly and put down her spoon. She sat feeling warmed and fed and comfortable while she listened to her five friends chatter amicably. She felt too sleepy to offer anything into the conversation, which was about the six-some's plans for the Christmas holidays, but knew her friends didn't expect her to. She looked up at the ceiling, which was a dusky twilight blue, and daydreamed for a bit, she'd always wondered....

"Earth to Lils,"

"Huh?" She turned to see her friend Clara rolling her eyes and smiling at

her.

"You say something, hun?"

All five of her friends burst out laughing,

"Yup, she's away with the fairies again,"

"I am not!," she replied indignantly but began to giggle anyhow and soon

the whole lot of them were hysterical.

It was Maria who brought her crashing back down to Earth.

"So, when you gonna talk to Potter about this assignment thing?"

Shit.

"You can't avoid it forever, and my advice would be to do it sooner

rather than later,"

"I know, I know..."

"So later tonight then?"

"Tonight!?!"

"Yes Lily, Tonight,"

"Go talk to him Lils,"

"Yeah go on, you gotta do it at some point"

Lily felt the bubble of unease swell inside her chest as they approached the table where Potter and Lupin were sitting, playing exploding snap.

She was going to have to talk to him. Yuck.

"Potter?"

He blatantly ignored her and continued his game. She had never remembered being so shocked. She always knew he was arrogant and a bit rude. But the_ nerve..._

"Potter!"

He very slowly gathered up his hand and turned to face her. He raised an eyebrow.

"Yes?" he asked insolently.

It took all of Lily's self control to stop her flaring up on the spot. At first she said nothing, still taken back by his obvious disrespect. How could anyone be so _rude_?

"Well? Is there a reason you're staring at me like this or did you just come to admire the view?"

he smirked as Lily blushed crimson.

"No! I've come about the assignment,"

"What about it?"

"Well, I was thinking, we're going to have to arrange a time to meet up aren't we? I mean we have a lot of work to do; we need to decide on our argument, draw up a structure layout, work out a..."

"OK! I asked you for an answer Evans not a fucking lecture,

"You can't talk to me like that!"

"I thought I just did,"

She sighed; this _was_ going to be a hard two weeks.

"Listen: we may not like it but we still need to arrange a time to work together,"

He glared at her, "Fine,"

"How about Tuesdays and Thursdays, 8:30 in the library? We can always arrange more times if we need to,"

"God forbid,"

She rolled her eyes, "Right well that's that then, see you tomorrow,"

"Whatever,"

Lily walked away, congratulating herself for not loosing it a smacking him clean across the face.

How could he be so arrogant? How could anyone?

She didn't have a clue why he was so popular. Must be because of the quidditch. But that wouldn't really explain all of the wizards in the school who hero-worshipped him and his swine of a best friend and would prepared to lick their shoes given half a chance.

Not feeling like talking to her friends she headed straight back to her dormitory to get an early night, and continue dreading tomorrows meeting with Potter.

................................................................................................

He felt sick, panicky. Bidding Moony goodnight he stood up and fled to his dormitory. He couldn't believe himself.

How could he let it happen again?

No, this time it wouldn't go as far. This time he was ready, prepared. Prepared to feel nothing.

No emotion.

He was James Potter. Part of the notorious marauders of Gryffindor, he was at the height of cool.

And there was no way he was going to be broken by Lily Evans.

...........................................................................................

Lily approached the library at eight twenty five. She had began jotting some notes down on ideas for the paper and had her notes hugged against her chest in a neat stack, along with numerous books that she thought would assist them, including a Muggle politics book.

She had done some thinking over the past twenty-four hours and had come to a conclusion: this was her assignment and Potter was not going to ruin for her. If he wanted to be rude, difficult and slack off then so be it. She was not going to let some snotty little boy take away her pleasures. If he became unbearable, she had decided, she would simply tell him that she was quite willing to do all the work and still give him half the credit.

That would surely see the back of him.

She entered the library and settled herself at a table in a small alcove right at the back. Apart from liking this secluded spot, she thought it would save both her and Potter a lot of embarrassment if they argued (which she was sure they would) here, away from the mass of studying students nearer the door. She set down her materials on the table in front of her and opened the Muggle Politics book to a chapter named "Morals". She became so immersed that it wasn't until Potter was standing right over her that she noticed his presence.

"Hi," she muttered as he took a seat opposite her. Glancing at the clock she noticed he was over ten minutes late, but decided not to comment.

She wasn't _trying_ to argue with him,

"What are those?" He began without greeting,

"There some books. It thought they might help," she replied coolly,

"Right Ok then," He made himself comfortable and then looked at her,

Well?"

Lily was rather taken a back by this,

"Well what?"

He sighed dramatically,

"What do you think?"

"About what?"

"Bloody hell, Evans I thought you were supposed to be intelligent," he

picked up the assignment brief

"'It is Morally Wrong To Use Memory Charms on Fellow Witches and

Wizards-Discuss', I don't know about you but I'd rather know what side

we're taking before we plunge straight into it,"

She was so startled she wouldn't have been surprised if her mouth had

been hanging open,

"What?"

"You heard me Evans I know you did,"

"Yes, well..."

She tried to pull herself together enough to give him a well

rounded opinion. Out of all the surprising things he said over the last few

days this was by far the most shocking. It was utterly out of character.

"I...well... Wizarding society doesn't condemn doing it to Muggles do they?"

"That's necessary," he replied bluntly

"Yes, I know it is but does that make it morally right?"

"Well it doesn't matter does it? The fact is it needs to be done..."

"Well maybe there are times when its necessary for wizards to be obliviated too,"

"Like what? There aren't really any extreme enough circumstances and the fact is these are people's memories we're talking about, every wizard and witch has a right to a memory,"

"But Muggles don't?" she shot back

"I don't know about you Evans but personally I count the exposure of the entire Wizarding world a just enough cause for that,"

"Well perhaps you do but it's irrelevant. This assignment is about _morals_, what is "right" to do and what is "wrong". Muggles and Wizards share that in common so you can't argue that its wrong for one group to be subjected but not for another,"

"I agree with you," he said quietly after a pause, shocking her for what seemed the umpteenth time,

"But you must admit that _that _moral concept left our society decades ago. You couldn't use that as a basis for an argument,"

"Why on earth not?"

"Evans you just need to look around a bit to see that its been forgotten. Few people realise the concept of equality is even feasible,"

She stared back blankly,

"Your Muggle-born aren't you Evans?"

"Yes," she replied, confused at the randomness of the question

"I thought so. How often do you visit wizarding settlements?"

"Well, I go to every Hogsmead weekend,"

"Apart from Hogsmead,"

She furrowed her brow, trying to think,

"Well I get my school supplies in Diagon Alley each year,"

"How long do you stay there?"

"Oh I don't know. Potter what on earth is the point in this I'd really rather..."

"Just think. How long do you spend?"

"I don't know not long a couple of hours maybe just visit the shops we need to then leave,"

"Who do you go with?"

"Maria"

"That'd explain it,"

"What on Earth? Potter last thing I knew you were telling me that equality doesn't exist anymore and suddenly you jump to this. I mean..."

He scowled deeply,

"I'm trying to illustrate a point, but if you're to bloody impatient to hear me out then fine,"

The lure of what he was getting at was too great for her too distract him with a scathing remark, so she settled for shooting him a dirty look. He scowled deeper still but continued,

"Have you never wondered why Maria's parents never go with you to get a drink or an ice-cream after you've been shopping? Has it never striked you as odd?"

"well..." She thought for a while, "I guess it always did seem a bit strange yes. But again I really don't se where this is going..."

"Do you know why?" He cut across her forcefully

"No,"

"

You can't think of anything?" he, raised a sceptical eyebrow,

"Well, Maria comes from a whole family of wizards ...I...Oh god. It's because she's Pureblood isn't it?"

Potter nodded grimly,

"But I from what I've read Purism was stamped out after Grindelwald's death in the sixties,"

He forced an exasperated laugh,

"Really Evans when are you going to learn that there's more to life than you're precious bloody books!"

"How _dare_ you,"

she hissed and the two of them stared daggers at each other, neither willing to back down. Lily had never remembered feeling so threatened or intense in her life. Potter's hazel-gold eyes seem alight with a fire that made her want to hide her face in her knees. But she'd never let herself be so weak. Never.

Eventually, after what seemed like 5or 6 minutes he slumped back into his chair ruffling up his hair as he did so,

"Sorry," he mumbled, barely audible, "It just...it really gets to me that's all,"

"What does?" and for once her voice had a soft edge to it.

"This whole thing. It's just wrong, I don't know how anyone lives with it,"

"But you're a White, aren't you?"

"So?" he almost spat back

"I... well you don't have to suffer much do you?" she regretted saying it the moment the words left her mouth. Potter's jaw tightened visibly as he turned to face her,

"So that's how I seem to you do I?" he seethed in a low voice, a shadow passing behind his brown eyes, "Just because I have it good I'm not allowed to think whats happening is unjust?"

"No...I just...,"

"

You know people have always said it's the Whites faults for what's been going on, but it's not true! It's attitudes like yours that are to blame! People who assume things because of purity without even bothering to ask..."

"Potter! You said it yourself! I'm..." Lily gulped, it was going to take a lot of willpower to say the next part, "I'm clueless, I didn't even know and. I'm sorry, I guess, if not knowing is a crime big enough to apologise for,"

He did nothing but give a curt nod, avoiding her eyes. There conversations had swung from civilised to argumentative like a pendulum that just refused to stop still. It was being to frustrate her. They'd make a bit of progress only for it to be shattered again by one of them being too self-righteous. Blind hatred had been so much easier,

"So...we were saying about our argument..." Lily ventured figuring that one of them, at least, would have to make the effort.

He heaved a great sigh, "yeah,"

"Well, I guess we could compromise..."

James's brow furrowed "How do you mean?"

"Well...we could make our argument, like I said, that if it's morally wrong for one group then it's also wrong for the other,"

James made a noise as if he were about to talk but cut across him,

"But then we could add in a section about while this is morally right, I would never work in pratice because of ...things,"

He caught her eyes then smiled warmly. He had never smiled at her before, only smirked and it seamed to have a weird sort of effect on her, like she had just drunk a large bottle of butterbeer very quickly.

"You, know that really is a good idea," he said finally and she blushed slightly as she smiled back.

He swallowed , "So shall we start planning,"

Lily spent the rest of the evening enjoyably. James was a good person to work with. He was very intelligent and though they did have many heated debates, it was never personal issues they raised, only political. Lily secretly enjoyed the thrill of it, and at some points in the evening, she was sure he did too. They planned their entire assignment, which was a colossal amount further than Lily had expected to get that evening.

She carried on scribbling, that warm feeling she had got when he smiled at her still swirling in the pit of her stomach. Their assignment was going to _rock._

..........................................................................................

"James could you check that for me I don't know..." she trailed off, and he could see she was still finding it quite hard to admit defeat. So he spared her the pain of it,

"Sure," he took the paper from her and scanned through it, all the time aware of her tense form opposite him. She was such perfectionist, it was really quite endearing.

"Yeah that's fine," she visibly relaxed and smiled, "thanks...."

He was about to hand the paper back but his michevious marauder instinct had gotten the better of him,

"There is one thing though," he said solemnly and practically saw lily's spirits crumble,

"What?" she asked quietly but urgently , "did I make a mistake?"

"I' afraid so," he heaved a great sigh, "and, unfortunately may I add, it's a rather significant one,"

"

oh, no..."

"Lily you don't quite seemed to have grasped the concept,"

"Wh..what? How?"

"You see, Lily, this is quite an advanced concept," she bristled particularly at his implication that she couldn't handle it, making it excessively hard for him not grin foolishly at her.

"Well, you see the word 'witness' is infact spelt with one 't', not two," he continued in the same professor-like solemn voice, as he pointed out her spelling error. She froze, not seeming to quite understand the situation, so he continued, "this is really is despicable Evans,"

She turned slowly, and for a moment he thought he'd pushed it too far. Then she faced him with a look of such comic incredulity that he couldn't help but laugh and after a while she began to laugh back and soon the pair were giggling away like maniacs. He looked at her as she laughed, and noticed how she got dimples when she smiled that dazzling smile of hers. Her cheeks were flushed slightly and the laughter was dancing in her enchanting emerald eyes as she tossed her deep cinnamon curls behind her shoulder.

She was so, _so_ very beautiful.

It was almost midnight when they left the library, both their eyes itching

with tiredness. James had spent the last hour since he played the joke on

Lily staring at her, fascinated. He was angry at himself. He knew he was

falling for her _again_, and he knew it would just end in tears _again. _But he

just couldn't help it. She was amazing. And she seemed to be accepting

him.

Maybe now was the time to put his reputation on the line.

................................................................................................

Lily walked with James back to the common room, occasionally stealing

glances at him. It was true, she hardly knew him, but he seemed to be

nervous. Though about what, she could not fathom. They reached the

Fat Lady and after giving her the password (_doxies daughters_) James let

Lily through in front of him. When they reached the common room it was

deserted, _and I can't blame them_, thought Lily, stifling a yawn. She

turned to James and smiled

"Goodnight James," she said, "See you tomorrow"

"Yeah," he said hurriedly, then swallowed. She turned to head up to her

dormitory,

"Lily, wait," she turned, "There's an...i mean...next weekends a

Hogsmead weekend and I was wondering if..well...you know maybe we

could link up or something?" Her heart became to race.

_Was he asking her out?_

"I mean you don't have to or anything it's just a suggestion," he

babbled .Lily sighed deeply, a slight constricting feeling forming in her

chest,

"Sorry, James, I _really _do appreciate the offer but just...not now ok? Not

yet"

"Oh well, yeah," he turned slightly pink and suddenly she felt like the

Wicked Witch of the West,

"I mean I didn't mean it like that or anything

Just mates you know, id bring Sirius and.. and you could bring Maria

and..." he stopped and looked at the floor scuffing it with his shoes. She wasn't fooled.

"James," she said softly walking down to meet him. _He may not be_

_boyfriend material_, she thought, _but he can be very sweet_. She stopped infront of him,

"James?" she ventured and his honey brown eyes met hers tentatively.

She had never seen them so filled with emotion before, never seen then so

vulnerable, so _hurt. _

For some inexplicable reason she was reminded of Bambi from the old

muggle movie she used to love as a child, when he was lost in the snow...

"Thank you," she said earnestly, standing on tiptoes and giving him a

light brief hug, before turning and retreating up the staircase,

"For what?"

his voice sounded softly into the darkness, tickling her ears softly as

she continued silently up the dark staircase.

Authours note: I hope you like it. Please give me feedback-both good and bad appreaciated. My main fear is that this fic is too clichéd but I am planning to change that as it moves on. Please review. The more I get the faster I update. Lol (aint blackmail the best heheheheh).


	3. Green Eyed Monsters

Disclaimer: nope, not mine none of it except the plot! 

Summary: What if Grindelwald had defeated Dumbledore in 1945? What if, as a result of this, the entire wizarding world was segregated and those who weren't pure of blood were seen as second class citizens? What if a witch and wizard fell in love in a world that would never leave them in peace? Would things have turned out so different? Lily/ James

Rating: R. For swearing and some dark and adult themes.

A/N; This fic is not based on, but has been greatly influenced by the novel "Noughts and Crosses" by Malorie Blackman

Oh and THANKS LOOOOOOADS TO ALL MY REVIEWERS: D

Nikki: cheers! I was sooo happy when I got your review because it was my 1st one! That always gives ya a rush....

Wolf Gurl18: HA! I did update. Twice now. Lolz. It was actually because of your review that I got off my arse and started the next chapter! I need people bugging me. And yes this is going to be very Romeo and Juliet ish.

Loves to Dance: I was a bit worried that the different beginning might put people off but your review made me decide not to change it...which im really glad of now! Thanks!

Love her madly: I realise I didn't make the White/grey situations as clear as I could've but hopefully this chapter will clear some misunderstandings up. Thanks for reviewing.

LilyCharmer 359: Glad you like it!!

ZombieGurl98: Thanks. I will try and get the next chapter up faster.......honest. lol.

Freakish person: Yeah I realise that it's a bit fluffy and I afraid to say this chapters got quite a lot of fluff in it too. But its going to get more and more angsty as it moves on. This isn't one of those perfect romance...not by a long shot. Thanks for reviewing!!

Green eyed monsters 

Lily had woken up early the morning after meeting James in library, alive with a curious energy despite having gone to bed late the night before. Giving up on sleep she decide to go and do a bit of research before the day began.

It was still dark out, and she crept catlike and silent out of the portrait hole and into the hushed corridor, which was filled with a supernatural icy blue light as dawn approached. She crept the familiar path to the Library and, whispering an unlocking spell on the door, slipped inside and settled herself at her the same isolated alcove she had sat at last night. She sighed, putting her face into her hands for a few moments, trying to collect her thoughts.

What James had told her about the current purism issue in the wizarding world had gripped her, and she found herself wanting to know more, especially as it would most defiantly directly affect her someday. Someday soon.

She had learnt from other pupils when she had first started attending Hogwarts the distinction between Whites and Greys. A White was any witch or wizard who had a last six-generations worth of pure wizard blood behind them. And a Grey was everyone else.

She had been slightly put off at the time to learn that she was pre-labelled as indistinct and grimy by the wizarding world before she had even properly entered it, but had been reassured at the opening feast when the Headmistress, Professor McGonagoll, and told the school that purist remarks, attacks and attitudes were totally unacceptable and that anyone pupil found guilty of these would face immediate expulsion. She had hardly considered the matter since and, while purist incidents were not unheard of, they were extremely rare compared to inter-house rivalry incidents, which seemed to spurt up every week.

She picked up a book titled "The Triumphs and Failures of Grindelwald the Great" and began to flick through it, pausing now and then to read sections before continuing to leaf through. She tossed it aside. It was, no doubt, a very interesting book and one she'd have to take out sometime, but it wasn't telling her what she wanted to know. She picked up another book from her pile, and then another, and then another. Becoming increasingly aware of the fact that, while all of the books covered the History of the great triumph of Grindelwald over someone called Dumbledore and then the segregation of the wizarding world from that point onwards, they were directly avoiding discussing current issues. After searching through several more books, she decided she must be looking in the wrong places and made a mental note to ask Madame Pince next time she was in here.

Not feeling like going back to the common room, Lily settled herself more comfortably in her chair and gazed out of the window, into the stony courtyard below. It was breathtaking outside. The sky was a constant frosty milk-grey disturbed only by the distant rays of the rising sun, which pierced the air like steely arrows of light. Lily had always found there to be something magical about dawn. And she didn't mean magical in the wizarding sense either.

Letting her mind wander slightly she thought back to her parting with James.

_He had asked her out_.

She really didn't know what to make of that. She had had a great time in his company; there was no denying that. And he was very attractive, gorgeous even. And they did get on. Why then had she not even considered him before rejecting him? She guessed it was just the prospect of a _relationship_ with James Potter. It was too hard to fathom, they were barely even friends.

Exhausted by all the intense thinking she had done in the past hour, she heaved a huge sigh, looking once more into the still, waiting air before heading down to treat herself to a large breakfast.

..........................................................................................................

"Hey sexy," James said in a deep melodic voice as he slipped into his seat in the great hall.

"Hi,"

Natalie Markwood: current target. He flashed his heart melting lop-sided grin at her,

"So how have you been?" she asked, flipping her long hair over her shoulder

"Good, good. Just up to the usual you know. Quidditch, chilling, parties,"

"Hmmmmm yeah, it seems I haven't spoken to you much lately," she smiled seductively as she spoke, edging further along the bench so they were almost touching. He laughed to himself. They hardly ever _spoke._

Only Natalie Markwood could conduct a flirtatious conversation with _the _James Potter without falling to pieces. She was the most popular Gryffindor in the school, and as for looks...well, lets just say she was practically a female equivalent of Sirius Black.

She was everything a guy wanted. Fair skin, long, poker straight sunlight blonde hair, baby blue eyes, candyfloss pink lips, a petite nose. She reached about 5'6, and despite being very slim she was a DD cup (well according to Sirius anyway). It was rumoured that her great-great grandma had been a veela. This was of little interest to James, the fact was she was _hot. _

And she was going to be his.

She should be an easy enough target. They'd slept together before...last year (or was it the beginning of this year?) and made out a good few times at various parties and clubs. They were both very popular, very good looking (if he said so himself), party animals. Ok, so she wasn't quite up to his level intellectually but that was no matter. She was perfect girlfriend material.

_More like perfect make Lily see what she's missing material._

Ok, so maybe he didn't have the purest of intentions in mind. But still.....

I know, I was just thinking that. But I guess great minds think alike don't they?" again he grinned running a handful of silky butter-pat hair through his fingers attempting to make it seem unconscious. She edged closer.

_Oh this was working out perfectly._

"So, how about me and you have a little get together. A reunion, if you will,"

"Sounds like fun, I guess I could try find time. Maybe. But I am very busy," _Nice try, Nat you know as well as I do you're gagging for it._

"So how about we catch up in Hogsmead sometime this week?" he was smirking at her, purposefully surveying her uniform clad body approvingly.

"I'm going for a makeover this Hogsmead weekend Jamie and the next ones over a month away. We may have to find a shorter term solution....If you know what I mean," she laid her hand on the top of his thigh as she spoke.

James chuckled inwardly. He admired the nerve of this girl. Most have them would have fallen to bits by now. He leant forwards so his lips were right up against her ear.

"Oh I'm not talking about a weekend," he whispered , "I'm talking you and me baby, on the town,"

He knew it was cheesy, but he also knew it would work. And he was right. He saw Natalie try to regain her composure and try to appear totally unaffected at the same time. It was actually quite amusing to watch.

"And what makes you assume I'm not involved with someone?"

He had to stop himself snorting out loud. Yeah, like being "involved" had ever been a problem for Natalie Markwood.

Choosing to avoid the question he leant forward once more, his lips tickling her ear,

"I want you," he whispered, in his huskiest voice revelling in the shudder he felt reverberate down her spine as he spoke.

"Can't say it isn't reciprocal," she replied breathlessly. He moved away from her and smirked smugly.

They were then both distracted by the flurry of morning owls carrying post to their owners. James untied his copy of "The Daily Prophet" from his owls leg and stroked her beak with practised, almost robot like movements. He chucked his copy straight into his school bag. Now was hardly the time to be reading the paper.

"Meet me by the entrance to the Transfiguration department at 8:30 tonight," he winked and turned away, intending to go and join his friends and see how Moony was doing after his transformation last night. He had just got up, however when something nearby caught his eye.

Lily was heading over to the Gryffindor table with a couple of her girlfriends, laughing and chatting animatedly.

James felt a deep resentment burning dully in his stomach at the sight of her. He didn't like her. Not one bit. She'd rejected him. Again. When all he'd done is be nice and make an effort.

Bitch.

The more logical side of him argued that it wasn't exactly her fault, you were either attracted to someone or you weren't, and no amount of persuasion could change your mind. He knew that much from personal experience.

But he didn't want to listen to his logical side right now. His instinct told him to hurt her, cause her pain, make her jealous. Damage her as much as she had him.

She caught his eye, and even from this far away he could tell her eyes were green. She smiled at him, a gorgeous warm smile that illuminated her eyes and face, and he felt the flame of resentment flare suddenly within him. He turned back to Natalie,

"See, you soon beautiful,"

He hurriedly lent down and crushed his mouth on hers, kissing her slowly and very deliberately, with a passion he hoped appeared sincere at the very least. He was barely put of by the plasticy taste of her lip-gloss as his tongue explored her somewhat familiar mouth ruthlessly. It was at least a couple of minutes before he broke away.

And he knew Lily had been watching the entire time.

..................................................................................................

Lily felt as though a bludger had just slammed into her stomach. She stared as James Potter, who just last night had asked her out to Hogsmead, making out with that _slut_ Natalie Markwood for the entire world to see.

"What's up Lil?" One of her companions, Rebecca, asked concernedly.

"Nothing," she dismissed, though she kept stealing glances at the couple as she took her seat, "Nothing, it's nothing,"

"Riiiiight," Maria, her second companion, said, voice thick with sarcasm

"Well, Ok it is but I'd rather not talk about it,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!" she snapped, regretting her tone instantly,

"Ok...just as long as you are,"

"Yeah you know we're always here for you Lils,"

She smiled warmly at the pair of them, "thanks you guys,"

"No problemo," grinned Maria and quickly engaged in converstion with the newly arrived Clara, Dana and Nicky.

Taking a chance lily looked back at where James and Natalie had been a minute before and saw to her relief that James was no longer there and Natalie was instead chatting to three girls with blonde highlights.

_Probably hysterical about the new season stock in Miss Witch _thought Lily disgustedly, _or perhaps they're all going to get a manicure._

She made a "hmph" sound. She was in such a good mood earlier and now, for some reason, she hated the world. Might have to do with _some_ _people_ going a little overboard with the PDAs.

_But why do you even care?_ She heard her conscious ask her. _So what if_ _James Potter's snogging some bimbo? I mean, what's new?_

She didn't know. She didn't seem to know anything at the moment. Everything was so god damn confusing. Especially him. Why the hell did he have to be nice to her? It just made everything worse...

And she despised Natalie, the stupid dumb bitch with her shiny blonde hair and blue eyes and stupid (fake) big boobs

"Lily! Oh My God! Look at this!" Lily was still brooding as Dana thrust a copy of The Daily Prophet under her eyes.

But what she read next took her mind clean off Natalie Markwood.

A/N: I SERIOUSLY NEED FEEDBACK!!!! I haven't enjoyed writing this fic as much as I thought I would so I'm thinking of abandoning it. I have another story planned so unless I get 10 more reviews soonish ill put it on hiatus at the very least. Bad feedback is appreciated as much as good feedback. I just need 2 know what u think and whether or not you think I should continue. JUST WRITE CONTINUE OR DON'T CONTINUE IT'LL ONLY TAKE 2 SECONDS PLZPLZPLZ!! Thank you ï


	4. Breaking Point

Disclaimer: nope, not mine none of it except the plot! 

Summary: What if Grindelwald had defeated Dumbledore in 1945? What if, as a result of this, the entire wizarding world was segregated and those who weren't pure of blood were seen as second class citizens? What if a witch and wizard fell in love in a world that would never leave them in peace? Would things have turned out so different? Lily/ James

Rating: R. For swearing and some dark and adult themes.

A/N; This fic is not based on, but has been greatly influenced by the novel "Noughts and Crosses" by Malorie Blackman. I've decided to split chapter 3 up into lots of smaller chapters. I think theer easier to read and more people will read them that way. Also means I can update much faster!!!!!!!!!!

_**Breaking Point**_

_**NEWLY APPOINTED MINSTER FOR MAGIC ANNOUNCES PLANS TO INCREASE SEGREGATION IN ALL PUBLIC AREAS**_

_Today, newly appointed minister for magic Tom Riddle , (who took office last week after his predecessor, Cornelius Fudge, died in a freak accident) announced his plans too increase segregation throughout the wizarding community. Plans include having designated living areas for Less Pure (or "Grey") wizards away from main "White" living areas and no shared shops or restaurants. He says that Ex-Minister Fudge left the wizarding community in a "Preposterous state with White and Grey wizards forgetting their place frequently as less and less care was taken to keep them separate," and hopes to revert our society back to the original ways set by "Grindelwald the Great". Sources that shall remain unidentified have notified _The Prophet _that no witch or wizard with less than six generations of pure wizard blood behind them will be accepted into the ministry. Minister Riddle hopes to, as an eventual goal, restrict the amount of Muggle-born Wizards allowed to learn magic and even aspires to wipe-out contact between the two groups completely....._

Lily stopped still, gaping at the paper in front of her.

She suddenly found it hard to breathe.

"Lils? Lily? Are you alright hun? Say something, you're worrying me..."

But Lily was too stunned to say a word.

.......................................................................................................

It was 8:30 exactly as James reached the entrance to the Transfiguration department and found that Natalie hadn't arrived yet. Trust her to be "fashionably late" he thought, though he didn't really mind. He pulled his large cloak (which obscured his loose fitting jeans and his black long sleeved t-shirt from any prying teachers) around his lean, muscular form and waited. Almost 10 minutes later Natalie arrived, also obscured by a large black cloak, though when she stood facing him he could tell that she was wearing a lot of makeup, and seemed to have straightened her hair.

"Hey" he said. Though he didn't kiss her hello, much to her displeasure. The thing was, now she was actually here James felt quite tempted to say he had an extra Quidditch practise and call the whole thing off. She had given his ego a boost after he'd bin rejected but he couldn't say the prospect of spending an entire evening in her company filled him with joy.

He led her to the statue of the One- eyed witch and into the passage way. As soon as they were both safely out of sight of passers by, they dropped their cloaks eyeing each other approvingly.

She was dressed in a black micro-mini skirt, a skimpy bubblegum pink halter neck, and high heeled pink sandals. He began to feel his male teenage hormones take over. Ok, so maybe the night wouldn't be _that_ bad.

He saw her smile of approval and took that as a sign to take her arm and lead her along the passageway to the Honeydukes cellar. When they finally arrived he helped her up out of the trapdoor and up the stairs into the dark shop. Motioning at her to be quiet he slipped stealthily over to the door, hissed "Alohamora" and led her outside into the night.

The street was dark and completely deserted of any human activity. The only noise was coming from a nearby was that of a fox ripping open a bag of rubbish. She turned and gave him a look as if to say, "What the hell do you think you're playing at?". He grinned mischievously at her, taking her hand and leading her down a myriad of streets into a less well-known part of the village.

He grinned once more as her saw her face light up. The street was teeming with young witches and wizards dressed up for a night out on the town. Several fancy bars and clubs were stationed at intervals up the road, each with an overflowing queue outside it.

"Shall we?" he asked in a mock-gentlemanly voice and offered his arm to her. She laughed, and took it. He led her up to a bar/club near the end of the road. A board outside the club read "EXPECT MINIMUM 2 HOUR WAIT"

"Oh Jamie maybe we should find somewhere else," she simpered still clutching onto his arm with perfectly manicured hands. He wished she wouldn't, it was starting to hurt.

"I don't want to wait that long. It's too cold! I'll get ill! An my shoes will get ruined...."

"Don't you worry you're pretty little head about it. What, did you think I'd make you wait for that long outside on a night like this?"

She giggled and James repressed a cringe. He walked her along the side of the queue so they were near the door,

"Wait here," he whispered and ducked under the barrier, ignoring the angry protests of the witches and wizards at the front of the queue. After a minute or two muttered conference with the bouncer, he ducked back under the barrier,

"It's cool. We can go right in,"

"Oh my god! Like....._how_ did you do that?"

"I'm James Potter," was his only answer as they passed under the barrier and through the door into the buzzing interior of the club.

...................................................................................................

Lily was storming through the halls, white-hot anger pulsating at her insides. She didn't know where she was going, she was barely aware that her feet were moving at all. Her mind was steaming, unable to process what she had just read, and yet understanding perfectly at the same time.

This was some sick joke. It had to be.

She had spent the day's classes in a robot like daze, hadn't answered a single question and had serious contemplated skipping the last few periods to just runaway and think. Which was saying something about how serious she considered this revelation to be.

She turned a corner and stormed down a staircase she didn't recognise, which was good because her only intention at the moment was too get as far away from everyone and everything as she possibly could.

Suddenly, she stopped, having nearly run headlong into two people. She recognised them as third year Slytherins, though only by face not name. She was wondering why they looked so white-faced and shocked at the sight her, until she caught sight of the painting directly in front of them. She gasped allowed, not believing (or trying her hardest not to) what she saw.

It depicted an old woman holding what was probably once quite a large black cat to her chest. But it had been distorted horribly. The cat's head had swollen to almost 5 times its natural size and there were slashes all over its body. It was obviously in a lot of pain as the woman panicked and fretted over it, tears streaming down her canvass cheeks.

She waved her wand and the cats head returned to It's original state, though there was nothing she could do about the rips running through it's body.

Lily turned towards the two boys. She was beyond anger.

"What on earth do you think you're doing?" she whispered leathally. The two boys did nothing but stare back, white-faced and timid, there only answer being and incomprehensible mutter,

"I SAID WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK YOU'RE PLAYING AT? YOU'RE DISTUGTING! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT KIND OF HURT, WHAT KIND OF PAIN YOU'RE PUTTING THESE TWO INNOCENT PEOPLE THROUGH?" she screamed at them, gesturing to the picture furiously, sweat dripping down her redden face.

The two boys looked utterly taken abackthough one of them, with sleek dark brown hair, seemed to regain his composure quite hastily and replied,

"It's only a painting! It's not like we murdered someone,"

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S "ONLY A PAINTING"? SO IT CAN'T FEEL PAIN CAN IT? IT CAN'T FEEL HURT?"

She was yelling so loudly she felt her throat would rip apart. But she didn't care.

"Well what use is it to us? No one _really_ cares, Evans. It's just ...."

"YOU'VE RUINED SOMEONES LIFE! DOES THAT NOT MEAN A THING TO YOU , YOU HEARTLESS ...YOU MAKE ME _SICK_"

"Hang on a minute! You can't talk to me like that!" The dark haired boy said, beginning to frown slightly, "even if you are a _prefect_"

"I thought I just did," If a mere two days ago someone had told her she'd be quoting James Potter she would have eaten a Blast Ended Skrewt.

"You're well out of order! Bloody hell talk about being het up! But I guess you would sympathise with those who are used to being looked down on wouldn't you Evans?"

That was the last straw.

"300 points from Slytherins, "she hissed in a screaming whisper, "I'm taking this to McGonagoll. And I'm going to do everything within my power to make sure you pair never step foot in this castle again. You mark my words," she turned and walked away, ignoring the indignant protests echoing in the hall behind her.

As soon as she had turned the corner she broke into a run, tearing through the halls, pounding her anger onto the castle floors, running away...far, far away.

But you can ever escape reality.

She collapsed, exhausted, on the balcony of a small stony tower she was unfamiliar with, and let the emotion flow.

Too them it might have been a joke, it was only a painting after all, and would affect them very little. They were just having a bit of fun.

But that cat was the old woman's _life_. She had nothing else to live for. As trivial as it may seem to some. It was awful ,it was _disturbing_ how someone could sink to that level. And at the mere age of 13. God knows what these people would be like as adults. Who knew the kind of pain and horror they could cause to someone they considered below them.

Like a grey......

Lily felt frustrated tears feel her eyes. All this time. All this fucking time and hard work and dedication she'd put into excelling and what would it amount to? She wasn't a stupid witch. James had said that greys weren't allowed in the same bars and restaurants as whites and that was when the older "over-liberal" minister had been in power. No-one would employ her in the ministry or any other high flying job knowing who she was, where she came from. Heck, they were trying to wipe her "kind" out from the wizarding world altogether. So the most she'd ever amount to would be standing on the side lines and watching someone like Natalie Markwood take a job she knew she could do a hundred times better. She doubted she'd be able to bear it.

But we'll fight she thought there are a lot of us. And even some whites would be on or side. Like James. 

James....

Her anger towards dissipated in a warm rush. Suddenly him kissing Natalie seemed pathetically trivial. It didn't matter. He was a white, had it good, could lead a worry free, luxurious life full of servants and Quidditch and parties and VIP tickets. He could have it all. And yet he threw it all away in the face of doing what he thought was right. That was what mattered.

She turned a tear stained face toward the pearly crescent moon, feeling as though the world as she knew it was seeping away from her with gathering speed, like trying to keep water it cupped hands. She stood up and leant of the balcony into the night.

She could feel a change in the winds.


	5. slipping away

Disclaimer: nope, not mine none of it except the plot! 

Summary: What if Grindelwald had defeated Dumbledore in 1945? What if, as a result of this, the entire wizarding world was segregated and those who weren't pure of blood were seen as second class citizens? What if a witch and wizard fell in love in a world that would never leave them in peace? Would things have turned out so different? Lily/ James

Rating: R. For swearing and some dark and adult themes.

A/N; This fic is not based on, but has been greatly influenced by the novel "Noughts and Crosses" by Malorie Blackman

Slipping Away

James put his arms around Natalie's tiny waist pulling her closer to him, pressing his hips into her butt as they grinded on the dance floor. Her silky hair was tickling his face. The club was spinning. He was lost in the music. She moved around to dance with him face to face and stumbled slightly, giggling drunkenly. He giggled with her and tried to put his arms around her waist again but missing and lunging at thin air instead.

"I want a drink Jamie baby," she simpered, in an even more sickly sweet voice than usual, probably because of the alcohol.

"Ok!" said James brightly and promptly set off in the opposite direction to the bar.

She giggled again, "No silly it's that way," but before James had time to process what she had said he felt her tongue in his ear.

"I'm thirsty Nat, I want more alcohol," he slurred pulling away from her. He made an overly ickified face, like a small child, at the thought of her tongue in his ear. He was going to tell her no to do I again because it squicked him.

But then he caught sight of a very drunken looking person with messy black hair just to his right. He started to laugh hysterically, and went over to poke at the person because it seemed like a clever thing to do, but when he reached out his finger poked something solid,

"OW!" he said glaring at this weird solid thing that just decided to appear out of nowhere. But after two minutes he clean forgot about it and looked up once more.

"You're drunk!" he said pointing and giggling at the man. To his surprise, the man did the same thing back,

"Huh? Why are you doing that?" he demanded, the and yet again the man copied him. How irritating,

"Oy! Stop...STOP IT!!!" he yelled. The man copied him once more.

"Ok man, like WHATEVER ok? Cos, like I'm going over _there_ now," he gestured drunkenly and was irked when the man continued to imitate him.

"DUDE! Get a life..." he staggered off. How anyone could live with a person that annoying was beyond him.

He located Natalie leaning on the bar, cleavage as visible as was possible without flashing to the world. He gazed at her in intoxicated pensiveness.

She wasn't actually _that_ pretty. Ok, so she had a pleasant, symmetricalish face and blue eyes (blue eyes are so overrated) and good skin (cough foundationcough) but it was nothing out of the ordinary. And she was too thin. And her hair was all cold and colourless and straight and boring. Didn't have a nice warm depth to it.

Like Lily's. Now _she_ was pretty.

"Jaaaamie" he snapped out of his reverie quickly, "What were you thinking about?"

"Erm...you of course," he smiled. Well it was hardly a lie was it?

"Mmmmmmm," she pushed herself up against him stroking the top of his leg. He felt a familiar stirring in his pants.

"Do they have rooms in this place?" she asked pointedly.

He took almost a minute to register what she had said and come up with an answer, "YEAH! Yes, they do. Now I shall go book one, at the thingy..wassit...cloakthingy room," he said, setting off in the opposite direction to the cloakroom desk.

"Professor, _please._ These boys seriously damaged to one of Hogwarts oldest paintings and caused immense distress to it's occupants I..."

"Miss Evans, _Miss Evans_," Mcgonagoll's was more soothing than she had expected and she stopped speaking, though continued to breath rapidly.

"I agree with you that these boys should be punished, and make no doubt they will be. But I am going to have to reduce the number of points docked to fifty,"

"_Fifty?_"

"Yes fifty points in total," Lily's heart dropped. She looked down and examined her feet, no wanting to look at her favourite professor. She felt letdown.

"I'm sorry Lily," Lily looked up startled. That was the first time she'd heard Professor McGonagoll use her first name. Anyone's first name for that matter.

"Taking three hundred points would just cause more problems than it would solve. Which isn't what we need, especially at a time like this," she gave Lily a pointed look, which made her think that she wasn't alone in having read the paper this morning.

"And you must bear in mind that these are ignorant young boys, Miss Evans, not criminals,"

"I know I just...I just think it's wrong,"

"It is," McGonagoll said brusquely , "Well, miss Evans I won't take up anymore of your evening,"

"Ok, thank you for your time Professor,"

"That's quite alright," Lily gathered up her things and turned to leave the

Headmistresses office

"Oh and Lily?" She turned rapidly at the return of this unusual display of familiarity,

The Headmistress gazed piercingly at her for several seconds, before saying,

"You _do_ have what it takes. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise,"

* * *

They were kissing roughly, hands roaming everywhere desperately tearing off clothes. They collapsed onto the bed, James bearing down on top of Natalie kissing her with increasing force.

They were drunk, so there was little foreplay.

Then in a flash of flesh, heat and pleasure it was over. And they both fell almost immediately into a drunken sleep, neither looking nor speaking to the other.


	6. Shadows

Once again Lily rose before sunrise. She had always been a bit of a morning lark, and she enjoyed the peacefulness of a solitary dawn in the library to clear her head a bit before the day's hustle and bustle began. Tiptoeing past her friends, she made her way once more to the library.

As far as she knew she wasn't breaking any rules by being out of bed. There wasn't a limit to how _early _you left your dormitory; just how late you got back. She knew she wasn't supposed to be in the library outside hours and, while she was not comfortable breaking rules of any form, it was a risk she was willing to take.

She still had the events of yesterday on her mind.

She was very confused, and part of her couldn't wait until her nights meeting with James. She could trust him to give her a realistic view on how bad the events were and to what extent she was likely to be affected.

Though to her slight disappointment he hadn't seemed very effected by it today (assuming he had read the article), breezing through classes with his usual happy-go-lucky spirit. After his short outburst on the matter just the day before, Lily found this extremely strange. Maybe...

"Ah...if it isn't little miss _perfect prefect_," a silky voice sounded from the shadows.

Lily spun around rapidly to see three 7th year Slytherins slipping out into dusky corridor. She felt her heart leap into her throat.

"Yes, can I help you?" her voice was tight.

"Oh we were just going for a bit of a morning stroll," the darkest haired one dismissed lightly. Though there was an undertone to his voice which convinced Lily that this was a lie. No one went out for "walks" at this time of morning.

They had come to find her. She knew it.

"Why, not going to give us detention are you?" said the second of the three boys, who strongly resembled a weasel, mockingly.

"Ha! Course she is. She'd give someone a detention for breathing if she could find nothing else wrong with them,"

Lily's blood seemed to boil and freeze at the same time.

"I'd never do that," her voice was calm, yet firm and the boys didn't look happy. A strange combination of fear and fury was pulsating through her, and she began to shake.

The dark one sneered and advanced on her, motioning for his cronies to follow suit.

"I heard you ran into my little brother earlier," he said icly.

Lily gulped.

"Grhmph," James leant over and smashed the alarm clock with his hand and then collapsed back down on his bed, feeling like hell. He glanced across and, saw Natalie's fair hair fanning over the pillow. He groaned on Nat... NATALIE!" he shook her shoulder with little affection.

"Uh...what? Oh.." she looked around and yawned.

"Come on, get dressed. We have to be back in the castle before seven or we'll get caught,"

"But it's only six!" she whined, "I'm too tired baby,"

"Well don't be then," he snapped

"Oh come on don't be like that. Come to bed?" her tone wa spalyful and it irked James no end.

"Not now Nat, I need a shower,"

"Well so do I Jamie, why I don't I join you?"

"No!" He saw the hurt in her expression and started to feel guilty. It was his own fault, he'd been the one to ask her to come with him in the first place.

"I'm sorry, Natalie but I'm just really not in the mood. Thanks for the offer, though,"

He proceeded into the tiny bathroom and turned on the shower. His head was spinning. Why, why did he have to be so fucking stupid?

This would be round the school like wildfire when then got back, everyone would know. Lily would know.

Between that and snogging in front of her the night after he asked her out, had less chance of dating her than he did dating McGonagoll.

He needed to talk to Padfoot. Seriously.

He got out of the shower five minutes later and dressed inside the bathroom. He didn't want to give Natalie any more reason to make innuendos at him.

He entered the room and to his great surprise he found Natalie reading the paper. _Gosh... she can read_, _could've fooled me_

"What you reading?" he asked

"Oh, Tom brought up the paper, but he said he could only give us yesterday's, today's haven't arrived yet," another asinine giggle.

"Anything interesting?"

"Oh, I don't really understand all the details, they use really long words! But it's something about segregating Whites and.."

"Give me that!" he snatched the paper out of her hands violently and paled as he read yesterdays headline. _No, no not again, it couldn't be..._

"What's wrong Jamie?" 

He didn't answer; his breathing was heavy and rapid, almost to the point of hyperventilating.

"I don't know much about politics," she gave a self depreciating laugh, "But I am glad there doing something about all the Shadows roaming around like they own the place!"

James's head snapped up. His anger was so hot it burnt. He was sick and shaking. "Shadow" was a very offensive word for someone who wasn't of pure wizard descent. A Grey.

"You disgust me," James said in a low voice. He saw the surprise spark in her heavily made up eyes.

"Jamie...what?"

"How can you think that?! How can you discriminate against someone just because they're a Grey? !"

"Because they're second class citizens," she replied, as though it was as obvious as knowing stealing was right and murder was wrong,

"NO THEY'RE FUCKING NOT, YOU BITCH!"

"Baby... I didn't mean to upset you I..." tears were streaming down her cheeks but he didn't care. He felt a strange satisfaction in watching her cry.

_Serve her right for being so fucking ignorant._

"You can find your own way back to school!" He snarled viciously, and then turned and ran. Ran as fast as he could, down the stairs out the door and into the dawning light.

He needed to speak to McGonagoll. He needed to speak to his mum. He needed to speak to Padfoot.

He needed them to tell him it wasn't true.

..................................................................................................

"SHADOW SLUT," the dark boy roared slapping her once more around the check. She left out a feeble moan of protest. She had never been in so much pain in her life. It was consuming her, it was eating her up.

She was bruised and aching, covered in blood. They had really let her have it, especially as she had protested at first and pulled her wand out on them. Now her wand was lying shattered in a corner.

"WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? GIVING ORDERS TO YOUR SUPIERIORS? GO BACK WHERE YOU CAME FROM BITCH! _CRUCIO_,"

Lily felt another wave of agony consume her, eating her up from the inside out. She was lost in a sea of pain. She couldn't feel anything, no emotion. She forgot who she was. She tried to scream but the silencing charm they had put her under prevented any noise coming out.

_Just take me,_ she thought to the darkness, _kill me, make this end, please just make it stop_.

And then it did. And she was shaking with silent sobs.

What had she done to deserve this hell?

The dark boy came right up close, so she could feel his putrid breath on her face, making her gag.

"I wouldn't feel so sorry for yourself," he sneered, "Your only getting what you deserve shadow slut,"

Felling her first flash of strength for what seemed like eternity she drew back and spat in his face.

Almost immediately she felt her head snap back as she was slapped hard by one of the dark boys cronies. But she didn't care anymore. They were scum, and she wasn't going to waste any more pain on them.

The dark boys watery eyes were swimming with loathing, though as he surveyed her battered body, his expression changed slightly so his pale acne-ridden face pulsated a sort of animalistic hunger. He lent closer,

"Your only ever good for one thing _shadow slut_," and he lent down and kissed her roughly. She squirmed, more frightened than she had been at any other time today. His tongue was sticking right down her throat, making her want to throw up as she tried to wriggle from his grasp. But he was too strong for her.

He broke away slightly and began to undo her robes hastily, ignoring the tears streaming down her face. She hadn't expected this. Pain she could manage, but not this. _Oh god please not this_.

Ladish jeers sounded from his beefy companions, seeming to encourage him as he continued to strip her of her dignity. It wasn't long before she was lying naked in front of the trio, bruised, ashamed and sick with fear. She screamed silently into the beautiful morning:

_Someone help me..._

.................................................................................................

The time it had taken James to get back into the castle had seemed to slip away in seconds and he was surprised when he had already reached the statue of the Humpback witch. He slipped out of the passage into the corridor, whispering the spell to seal the witch behind him.

The day was still new and the halls deserted, but he could count on his Headmistress to be awake. Anyway, this was urgent.

Unlike most students, James knew Hogwart's labyrinth of passages like the back of his own hand so he knew exactly where Mcgonagoll's office would be from here. He set off at an almost run, his head pounding in protest.

What had made James angriest, aside from the content of the article itself, was that no one had told him. They had known since yesterday morning and they hadn't bothered to let him know, hadn't bothered. Even the teachers, who knew his family's attitude to this sort of thing. They knew how much it meant to him.

But now was hardly the time to wrap himself up in his own affairs.

He had to stop this. He had to do _something_ to make this right. The only thing was figuring out what.

He turned a corner and sprinted up a stone marble staircase, round a corner and up yet another flight of stairs. He'd have to catch her soon if he wanted time to say all he needed to before breakfast.

He passed the Library and was nearing the common room when he heard an all-too familiar voice from around the corner,

"That's it my sweet, we'll see what all that commotion was about, at this time in the morning, dung-bombs I don't doubt, oh we'll have em in the dungeons this time my sweet,"

Filch. He groaned frustratedly. He wasn't technically breaking any rules but Filch had a habit of wasting time that James didn't have at the moment and before he'd have time to spin a yarn about why he was out there and go and report to Filch's office, breakfast would be long over and his chance wasted.

He ducked into a small alcove just off the corridor and leant against the wall trying to catch his breath. A small noise sounded somewhere to left of him, and James shot around, realising he wasn't alone in the alcove.

And what he saw made his heart stop as still as a statue.

................................................................................................

It had seemed to take forever for them to leave, and when they did, it was only because one of the dark boys cronies, who had been on look out, had reported Filch not far away. That had made them scarper.

Lily's more intelligent side had told her that attracting the approaching Filch's attention would be the wisest thing to do. He may not be nice, but he would help her.

But her instinct told her otherwise. She was too scared, too hurt, and too ashamed. She wanted nothing more than to hide. And hide she did. She wrapped her tattered robes around her shaking form and dragged herself along the floor on her hands into a nearby alcove. She let out a small whine of pain as she did so, and realised the silencing charm must have worn off.

_Bloody good timing._ She thought bitterly as she crawled into the darkest corner of the alcove and hid her face in her knees.

She felt like she'd bin split apart. This pain, this torturing mix between physical and mental agony was far worse than anything the Cruciatus Curse could ever give her. She felt dirty.

Suddenly she heard a noise right up close, and looked up heart pounding to see a dark haired form leaning against the wall of the alcove.

Her fear knew no boundaries. It was back, _he_ was back and he was going to molest her again. He was going to ruin her again. She let out a small sob which she stifled quickly. He couldn't know she was here.

But it was too late; he had turned to face her. Her breathing increased and she drew into the wall, trying any last-ditch attempt to protect herself. But if he could do it once, he could do it again. There was no protection .

But then Lily got more of a shock than she could take in her present state. It wasn't the Slytherin come back to find her.

It was James.

..................................................................................................

"L...Lily?" she let out a frightened whimper, "Oh my god Lily,"

He ran straight over and bent down towards her, but she backed away in fear.

"What happened to you?" he asked but she made no response. James couldn't believe his eyes. Had someone _done _this to her? If they had he'd hunt them down. Hunt them down and kill them. He took her hand in his but she drew it back quickly,

"We _need_ to get you to Madame Pomfrey, you can tell her what happened when you're there, you don't need to tell me but you do need to see someone," she shook her head vigorously her gorgeous green eyes showing nothing but fear and mistrust.

"Come on Lily," he said soothingly, fear gripping his insides.

What, who, how had this happened?

She shook her head once more and this time she started to cry, tears raining down her bruised cheeks. James felt his heart break, there and then. He lent down and (very tentatively so not to hurt or frighten her) put an arm round her shoulder. At first she backed away but after he persisted she lent into it and buried her face into his chest. He pulled her into a careful hug, heaving her small weight onto his lap as he did so, letting her pour out all her angst onto his shoulder.

"Who did this Lily?" he asked, when her sobs had subsided slightly

"Sly...Slytherins, three of them they...they," her voice broke and James kissed the top of her head comfortingly.

"They what?"

But Lily didn't answer, choosing instead to bury her face in the crook of his neck as he continued to rock her from side to side.

..................................................................................................

She felt warm, comfortable, cared for. Only five minutes ago she hadn't wanted anyone to touch her at all. She had been scared of it. But now...

There was something about James's embrace. A kind of innocence that didn't allow her to associate his touch with what had just happened with the Slytherins. She buried her face deeper into the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent. He smelt like fresh, clean and slightly bitter. Like the sea.

"Lily?" she felt an odd nostalgic feeling in her stomach as he spoke. She didn't want to tell what had happened, not yet. She just wanted to bury herself into his arms and forget it all happened. But it was no use. She looked up and was surprised at the mix of emotions showing on his striking face. She took a deep breath,

"They, well they were 7th years and I told one of there brothers off earlier for, well, doing some nasty things to a painting, it was stupid really, but it meant a lot to me so I took points," he nodded encouragingly and she continued,

"And then this morning I...I," she could feel the tears welling up again and willed them to stop.

"Shhhhhhhh," James rubbed her back and smoothed her hair and she felt ok enough to carry on,

"I was going to the library and they stopped me and they put the..." she took a deep breath, "Cruciatus curse...on...on me," she choked

She looked up to see if James had heard and saw him staring at the floor, his expression stony. He looked up, as though feeling her eyes on him and his expression melted into one of sympathy. He brought a hand up to touch her cheek.

"Who Lily? Because whoever it was we'll find them. _I'll_ find them. And they'll pay," he spat the last words. Not that she minded, she found his fury oddly comforting.

"Then they..."

"There's more?" She nodded and leant her head against his shoulder, this would take some strength.

"One of them, the one whose brother it was he...he started to...he made me," she couldn't say it. She couldn't say the word _rape._

"He didn't...he didn't rape you?" James's voice was shaking. She looked up at him and a spark of understanding passed between their eyes. She didn't have to say anymore.

His only answer was to pull her close once more and they sat there, both clinging desperately to the other, until they heard the bell for breakfast time.

Lily looked up to tell James that they should go get themselves cleaned up saw that he was looking the other way,

"James?" she ventured. He turned to face her, the look on his face cold and loathing. Though his eyes looked oddly brighter than usual, as though full of unshed tears.

"I'll kill them," he said in a low voice, "I'll fucking slaughter all three of them", he looked away, avoiding her eyes. Lily felt like her heart was going to explode.

"Oh James, _James_" she took his face in her bleeding hands, forcing him to meet her eyes. And when he did, he looked at her with such unconcealed adoration she felt the tears well up once more. Though it was not a cold, dull feeling filling her stomach now, but a warm tickling one.

She stroked her thumbs along the hinges of his jaw. She couldn't describe what she was feeling at the moment. She felt safe and yet as though she was standing on the edge of a cliff. She felt calm and yet unnerved, frightened though she knew he wouldn't let anything happen to her ever again.

Not having the time, nor the strength to think logically about all of these emotions threatening to engulf her, she decided to do the only thing she could think of doing at the moment.

Lily leant up, but before she could do anything more, he had leant down and pushed his lips against hers.

Lily accepted the kiss gratefully feeling her heart begin to back flip.

She was kissing James Potter.

......................................................................................................

_Is this happening? Oh lord please don't let this be a cruel dream, please let this be real..._

He was lost in her, lost in the pressure of her mouth against his, lost in the way she tasted, the way she smelt. It was delicious. She coiled her arms around his neck and began paying with his unruly hair and he let out a small moan.

She was heaven.

His stomach seemed to be roller coasting up and down as he pulled her closer, running his tongue over her bottom lip. There was hardly any space between them and yet they seemed to grow closer every second. Kissing deeper and deeper...

And then with a sickening jolt James's roller coaster plummeted. He broke away, feeling awfully small and ashamed.

"Lily I'm, I'm so sorry,"

He couldn't believe himself. She had just been _sexually assaulted_, the last thing she needed now was for someone who she thought was comforting her to start snogging her brains out.

She probably didn't hate him. It was much worse than that. She was probably afraid of him.

"What? Why?"

"Because you obviously aren't feeling so great about guys at the moment or anything...like that, and now, well, I'll go and get help for you and..."

he sighed,

"I can't say how sorry I am for taking advantage of you," he turned to go.

"James! James wait! Please..." he turned back and she stretched out her arms reaching for him. He took a small step towards her and she took both his hands in hers,

"Please don't be sorry," she pulled at his hands so he sat down next to her once more, "Please...please don't leave me,"

"Never," he said vehemently, though his hands were gentle as he tucked some of her cherrywood hair behind her ear, "never,"

"Thank you," she said with a gentle smile and with that she pulled his head down to hers and kissed him once more.

And James's heart was dancing.


End file.
